On Self & Self Discovery

أنا عادة بأدون افكاري بالانجليزي لكن اللي يحب اترجمله البوست ده يقول 

Started about 5-7 years ago; I wanted to change myself to be someone else, better & accepted, then evolved into believing that I need to change myself on the inside (not just in terms of actions & external features) which then evolved into "I need to know & discover myself first" which finally evolved into "being myself" as a goal & what's keeping me from it

Below is the essence of a 5-7 years of daily & constant turmoil & drifting into the contradictions & opposing extremes & forces within me; with the assistance of Taoist & Indian spiritual models  and Islamic teachings. It's still on going...

Hope it may shed some light for those who are travelling a similar path

On Self & Self Discovery

• Principles:
• To discover one's self, one must be willing to se & step through all the darkness within & face all that one runs away from
• to fix one's self & see it clearly, one must intend on balancing it & reaching a point of low/reasonable fluctuations between the extremes of one's personality
• Model of Self: Characteristics of the building block of one's self
1. Decision Making Power (Will)
2. Emotions
3. Beliefs
• Sub-Decisions
4. Thoughts
5. Actions
• Notes on the Model
• The model represents what a preson is; in terms of content (المضمون)
• The model also represents, in the general sense, all that & only what a person can truly control, and no one else besides that person
• Inside a person's mind, structures are made, for example:
1. Choice: feel/show no pain (which is, in reality, feeling nothing)
2. Emotions :attention focused on thoughts and numbness & denial of feelings
3. Beliefs: "Not feeling pain makes you stronger & a winner"
4. Thoughts: How those who show & feel pain lose and how those who don't falter in response to blows win
5. Actions (generally): Pursuit of painful situations to test & overcome them through emotional numbing
   
   That's the complete structure
   Sometimes there's an incomplete/semi-structure that is simply a decision & an emotional reaction, for example, without much beliefs, thoughts or actions
   A person is a combination of structures such as this
• My path in discovery was from top-bottom; outside-core (5 -> 1)
  And to correct a structure, i simply adjust the decision by discovering its alter/counterpart and i normally reach balance from there (i.e.: following a balanced path between the two extreme decisions)
  Sometimes though it required verbalizing of the "balanced" decision to understand it & follow it better
• The "wrongness" of a decision taken about "How/Who to be" lies in its extremism & driving a person to one extreme over the other (and thus, imbalancing one's self)
• Like the yin-yang sign; any extreme has an opposing extreme to balance it
  The middle balanced path is a little of both extremes but in it's self is, like neither of them
  
  First step to discover the opposing decision to the one causing problems
  (I do this through simply contemplating it)
  Usually that's enough; one naturally is drawn to balance. Sometimes it is necessary to verbalize & define the balanced decision
• The middle path is not a side or a directions; it is boundaries that define how far to go in each side, for example:
  It is not like right or left; it is how far you should go right and left
• To understand the middle path, one must understand the two extremes.
  To understand the two extremes, one almost always needs to experience at least one of them
• That's why it's no shame to err & make mistakes as long as one learns from them. Why else is God forgiving ?
• It's important to note that "Knowing" is different from "Understanding"; my coach always used to say "The more you know, the less you understand"
  
  
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That's pretty much it,

May not make any sense for some, might make all the sense in the world for others
Simply put; its my mind in short & meaningful words

Best Regards & Wishes :)