All my life, for as long as i remember, from the moment i became conscious of the world around me (3 or 4 years old) there were a couple of things i wished i had
I have direct relatives and a house, I wished to have a family and a home; some place to call my home and some people to be part of and they a part of me...
I was a difficult child to contain, perhaps, considering that, it's too much to ask for a family (in the emotional sense)
Nevertheless...i always wished and daydreamed about it and once, just once, i felt it with a group of friends in a picnic...
For the rest of the day & the day after i was over the clouds in an emotional high...from a picnic.
I wished for friends. For my entire life i never had any friends; just acquaintances, just people i know (if you see my "Friend Wheel" on facebok you'll find that all my friends are almost strictly divided into groups unrelated to each other)
I wished for friends that emotions, dreams & principles bind me to; not simply egotistical paradigms and the thoughts of who we are. Friends that i enjoy being with even if there's nothing to talk about and no occasion or purpose to be with them
I found that also recently; even if i have to steal the moments of calmness & soliloquy with them from clouds of teargas & batons, chasing information on detainees, planning pressure campaigns for their release...etc
I wished for a lover, someone to share who i am with. Simple enough and just as hard to find someone similar in discovering their dark sides like me
I wished for a simple world and life; one where I would walk in the street and see satisfaction & sense of security regarding the future, in the faces of strangers i pass by.
I wished for peace
Yet, all i find myself in are wars that provide me very little reasons for optimism besides faith in God
Quite the oxymoron, eh ? "Going to war for peace"
But its true; the clash between good & evil is what maintains balance (A.K.A Peace) and that sometimes reaches the point of wars. The difference between good & evil is that the good goes to war for peace; regardless of its achievement requiring to destroy the other side or not, Evil goes to war to destroy the other side.
I wish for peace...yet i'm destined for warfare.
Should you find me saying, online or real life, "In much simpler times..." know that i just caught a glimpse of that which i fight for to achieve and keep alive within me
"In much simpler times...the tragedy of the month in the newspapers would be a car accident"
Peace & Blessings,
Fouda
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